Well my last entry was August of 2007. This morning I spent some time looking back over my blog entries and comments left by friends and people who just happened to find themselves in my blog. Some made me laugh, some made me cry but all and all I am hanging on to my newfound hope.

Early last year I injured my knee and couldn't afford the MRI even with insurance. I couldn't exercise and let myself get depressed about it. I say let myself because there were options and if anyone knows that self pity gets you nowhere - it's ME. So why did I do it. I don't know. I could offer a hoard of excuses and that's exactly what they would be EXCUSES!

So instead I say this. I am still floundering around with my eating. Still a semi vegetarian. I haven't given up dairy products, but by not eating chicken, beef, and pork my body digestive system is in a much better state. I won't go into details, but anyone who has ever been on a high protein/low carb knows that there a certain risk of your system not working quite right without some extra fiber.

The hope I speak of....for Lent my coworker wanted to give up sugar (yes I have been eating sugar. I have slid so far I often wondered if I would ever snap out of it this time). I thought okay. If I can do this, I get myself back on track (any track would do right now). So after doing well the first two weeks, I decided that I can do this. I have been making small changes. Stocking up and taking my lunch to work. Saves money as well as calories.....

and finally the HOPE that has me ... after not exercising and wanting to for some time now (conveniently now that my knee is injured I want to exercise) I have found my saving grace - water aerobics. Someone told me that a local fitness center had a walk in area. With my knees I knew I couldn't get in and out the normal way. Never thought to ask around. I went yesterday thinking I would just get in and walk up and down the pool, do a little jogging and whatever else I could think of. As I was getting in, I saw a lady placing water weights by the poolside and asked if they had water aerobics. The class was starting shortly and the rest is history as they say. I stayed, joined in and got a great workout. I am committing to 3 times a week.

In the past I beat myself up trying to find some elusive number on the scale. I had people telling me I looked fine and shouldn't lose anymore. I can't say what was my downfall, but I do remember being frustrated that the number on the scale would not go down and I began to feel like a failure. Can you believe that. I couldn't see past the number on the scale. Progress pictures staring me in the face and I couldn't see it. Well I am not going that route this time. Not saying I won't weigh, but it will not be my main focus in life.

Day by day, step by step.. I will make better choices for me and my life.